There's a Trick to it, You Do it or You Die

I hit the ground hard, my eye hurting. I start pushing myself off of the ground, but Paulie grabs me by the hair and lifts my head up and brings his fist into my cheek. I feel hair get ripped out as I hit the ground again, and Paulie says something, but I can't hear him. I roll onto my back, and look up at him. He gets ready to kick me, but I manage to roll out of the way and stand up. I manage to block the next couple of punches that he throws at me, but he gets a good hit in, his right hook connecting with my nose.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" He yells, getting ready to hit me again. I duck down, and he punches the wall hard, and yells in pain. I punch him in the stomach and he doubles over, and I stumble down the hall. I see Zoey walk out of the back bedroom.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She asks, walking towards me. I'm about to answer her when Paulie grabs me by the collar of my shirt, pulling me down hard onto my back. "What the fuck are you doing?!" She screams at Paulie. "Get the hell away from him!"

"You break up with me, then the next day you've already hooked up with someone else? You fucking bitch!" He screams, moving towards her. I manage to pull myself off the ground and position myself between Zoey and Paulie. "Get the fuck out of my way!" He screams. He starts walking again, and I manage to shove him backwards, my entire body hurting after I do it. He runs at me, and puts his entire body weight into tackling me. I scream in pain when I hit the ground, my back not being able to support his body weight on top of me. I hear Zoey yell, but that's about it. I black out.

When I wake up, I'm in the back of Zoey's car, lying in the backseat. I try to get up, but I quickly give up. We pull up to a red light, and Zoey looks back at me.

"Are you okay?" She asks, her voice shaking.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I lie, trying to pull myself up again. She puts her hand on my chest lightly, and pushes me down slowly.

"Don't get up," she says. "Wait till we're at Jared's before you even try to get up."

"What happened?" I ask, looking down at my shirt. The collar is ripped, and a few bloodstains are on it.

"The guy from the apartment next door happened," she says, stepping on the gas. The car lurches forward and I moan in pain a little. "Are you sure you're okay? We can go to the hospital or something, I don't mind."

"No, I'm fine," I lie again. "Let's just get to Jared's. What do you mean the 'guy from next door happened'?"

"Well, he was outside smoking, and Paulie left the door to his patio open, so he could hear all the screaming. Thank God Paulie doesn't lock his door, like thirty seconds after you blacked out the guy was in the apartment, pulling Paulie off of you."

"I'll have to send him a pack of smokes as a thank you," I mutter under my breath.

"I gave him the pack that was in your pocket," she says laughing a little. I try to laugh, but it hurts too much so I stop. The last five minutes of the drive happen in silence, and I eventually pass out again.

I wake up on Jared's couch, my eye freezing cold and hurting. I move the Ziploc bag of ice off of my eye and look around the apartment. I hear Zoey and Ash outside talking, and see Jared on the other couch, playing with his laptop.

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask, pulling myself up, despite the back pain.

"Only an hour or two." He says, closing his laptop. "You okay?" He asks.

"My back just hurts like a bitch," I say. "It'll get better."

"How'd it go with Zoey?" He asks. I smile like an idiot, despite the pain. He smiles back, and heads into the kitchen.

Things I've Been Meaning to Say to People, but Haven't

SO. This is a rant. This is me, bitching and moaning, for a while.

SO.

This is your last chance to not read this. Go on, I won't mind. I'm not ranting for your fucking sake, am I? No, I'm ranting for my sake. Because I don't think I can keep these things on my chest. I'm dying. Or at any rate, I feel like I'm dying a little, day by fucking day, just holding these feelings in. I'm not going to name names (mainly cause no one reading this will be the people I'm talking about, I figure), because they know what they've done. If they read this, they'll get it.

1) I've got problems. I'm the first one to admit that. I'm nervous about 95% of the time for reasons I can't explain. I get incredibly pissed off at the slightest incident. When I run into a problem, what is a tiny, microscopic problem that should only stop me for a minute, turns into a giant wall. And I'm afraid to climb that wall. So I don't. I have OCD that's turned into hoarding (I've kept every lighter that has ever ran out on me in a cabinet, I have old magazines from when I was 14). I'm afraid of rejection to a degree that I am afraid to even go out and meet people because I figure, what's the fucking point? not like they're gonna like me anyway. I've got the gayest sounding problem of all time, something called love shyness, which is stemming from all the fun social anxiety. Then I've got the whole depression thing, but who the fuck doesn't have that now? I'm paranoid as hell, I've got no self esteem, but somehow have managed to get a God complex. And I am trying to get a handle on everything. I'm trying my fucking hardest to get all my problems under control, so don't act like you're better then me cause you have two less problems then I do.

2) You know how much fucking trouble I got in for you? Every fucking day, for three fucking months, my family hated me. Because of you. And you don't seem to give two shits. For those three months, I lived through hell, all for you. Because you were one of my best fucking friends. And what did you do to repay me for what I suffered? You fuck the person you know I like. And you know, I don't care how fucking childish that sounds, but you stabbed me in the back and didn't even have to balls to tell me. I had to figure it out. Then, right when I put everything together, and only then, did you nut up and tell me. Don't try and turn this into a "ha I know you were bitter!" type of deal. I'm over the whole situation. I'm over everything but the fact that you didn't seem to care how I felt. I was hurt. I tried to do everything I could to get over it, because you know what? Even through all the shit you pulled on me, I JUST WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY. And you both didn't seem to care. Every time I saw you together, I wanted to scream. But I didn't. For you. Never, ever say that I haven't given anything up for you. You know my family has now just gotten on good terms with me? It's taken me this long to get back to the way things were. But you know, this is the really sad part. I would fucking do it for you again.

3) I've missed you so much. I'm sorry for everything. It was my fault, I accept that. Jesus, the chance I have with someone who I've had feelings for the longest time, and I fuck it all up. You were the one shinning light in my year. This year has been one of the worst and hardest years of my life so far. But anytime I saw you, I felt happy. I was the happiest I've been in a very long time, and it was all because of you. But I fucked it all up. I screwed up. And I'm so sorry. I just... Lost my nerve. I got scared. And I let that fear ruin everything. Every day since you've left, at some point, I thought about you. I wanted to call you. I still do. But I can't. And I don't even know why I can't. I would give anything to stop myself from ruining it. I would do anything to be with you again. I'm afraid that you hate me (and you'd have every reason to). But you know what I'm really afraid of? I'm afraid that these feelings won't go away, and anytime I see you, I'm going to want to hold you. I'm going to want to kiss you. And I'm afraid that you're not going to want to deal with that.

There. Done.

I'm sorry if you read this and get offended. I really am. But I needed to get that all off of my chest.

For Every Action, There is an Equal and Opposite Reaction

"What?" Zoey says to me after a minute or two of awkward silence, grinning a little.

"Ummm," I start as I stumble over the words, all the piss and vinegar gone.

"You love me?" She says, her grin getting a little bigger as she starts to walk towards me slowly.

"Yes," I say under my breath quietly.

"One more time? I couldn't hear you," Zoey says, stopping in front of me.

"Yes." I say with an amount of confidence that shocks me. Where in the hell did that come from? I wonder to myself for a second before she takes my hand. My heart pounding like a drum, I kiss her. Fuck Paulie and his machete.

We go back inside, both of us smiling like idiots.

"I really don't want to ask, but I have to... What's up with you and Paulie?" I ask, standing behind her, my arms wrapped around her waist.

"So I called him last night to see if he wanted to see a movie later, and guess who picked up." She says, her words dripping with acid. "So I told her to tell him that I'd be by later to pick up anything I may have left at his place, then told her to tell him that he can suck my dick."

"Hot," I say, trying to add some humor to the situation. She laughs a little, and I turn her around. I put my hand under her chin and lift her face up a little and wipe away the tear that was running down her cheek and smile.

"I feel stupid, crying over the asshole." She says, laughing a little.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask before she pulls me onto the carpeted ground with her.

We spend the rest of the day with each other. Around eight thirty, she calls Jared and asks if he wants to hang out for a bit.

"Hey Jared, what's up?" She asks, trying not to giggle or laugh while I kiss her neck. "Oh, I'm not doing anything right now, just hanging out with a friend." I mouth just a friend? to her with a smile. She smiles back at me and pushes me back, laughing as she does. "Yeah, we were just wondering if you wanted to hang out for a bit. Okay, we'll be there in a bit," she says, hanging up the phone. "He said if we gave him half an hour to finish something up, we can go on over."

"What'd you want to do till then?" I ask, sitting up. She pulls me over to her and puts my head onto her lap so I'm looking up at her.

"Maybe chill here for a bit longer, then I guess I should go over to Paulie's and get whatever I may have left there." I shudder involuntary at the prospect of going over to Paulie's apartment (even though I think a good argument can be made that he sleeps in a coffin in a crypt), and she runs her hand through my hair. "It'll be okay. You can wait in the car, if you wanted to." For some reason, all I can think of is Paulie running at her with machete.

"I'll go up with you," I say. Yeah, better I get hacked into pieces with a machete then you... I think to myself before I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of her hands running through my hair.

"C'mon, time to go." Zoey says to me, shaking me a little, smiling. I blink, trying blink away the bright light. She picks my head up from her lap, and I sit up and yawn.

"I fell asleep?"

"You've been passed out for like... Fifteen minutes. It was cute," she says, taking my hand and pulling me off the couch.

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, but I'm going to spin 'cute' as positive," I say as we get into her Ford. We drive over to Paulie's apartment, talking all the way. We park outside, and I suddenly get the chills (another sign from God to never see the prick). I look at Zoey and smile. "Ready?" I ask. She takes a breath, and looks at me.

"You sure you want to go up with me?" She asks. I nod, and we kiss one more time before going up. She knocks on the door, and Paulie opens the door, a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Zoey?"
"What's up, asshole?" She asks. "I'm here to pick up anything I may have left over here."

"Look, can we talk about last night?"
"No."

"That was my sister!"
"You've already told me that you didn't have any siblings. Jesus Christ, if you're going to lie to me, at least do it well." We all stand there for a minute. "If you're not going to let me in, then you can keep anything I left." He looks at me for a minute and sighs.

"Alright, fine. Let me go put clothes on."

We walk into the small, cluttered apartment. I squeeze her hand one more time, and she lets go, not wanting to piss Paulie off. He comes back out, wearing some ratty-ass T-shirt and ripped jeans.

"Anything you may have left would probably be in my room," Paulie says, wiping his hair with the towel. Zoey walks down the hall into his room, leaving the two of us alone.

"What's up?" I venture. He looks at me, and I instantly regret asking.

"Oh, not much, my girlfriend just dumped me." He says. I decide not to say anything else and just wait for Zoey to finish looking for anything that was hers. "When did you and Zoey start hanging out?" He asks suddenly.

"Jared and Ash. I'm crashing at their apartment for a while," I say. He looks at me like a butcher looks at a piece of meat.

"Get kicked out or something?" He asks.

"I'd rather not get into that," I say, looking at the clock on the wall, anxious to get out of here. I feel Paulie's eyes on me still, and I get even more anxious.

"What happened to your neck?" He asks, putting the towel on the couch he's leaning on.

"No idea," I lie. As soon as the words leave my mouth, Paulie hits me in right eye, and I go down.

Chances

After Zoey left for the night, I walked back into the house and sat down on the couch and took my shoes off, putting them at the end of the couch that I had been crashing on. I checked the time, wondering if I could go to sleep without anyone else popping in and out of the room to bother me. It was only nine-thirty, so I quickly gave up on that idea, instead picking up the remote for the T.V. and turning it on. After thirty minutes of terrible television, I turn the T.V. off and throw the remote onto another couch and get up, hunting for something else to do to keep my mind off of Zoey and Paulie together. I quickly give up on that and crash back onto the couch and lie down, deciding to just try and sleep through whatever noises pop up. I sleep for about twenty minutes before someone starts poking and prodding me. I rolled onto my side and looked up to see Ash.

"Why are you watching me sleep?" I asked, slightly creeped out.

"Don't flatter yourself," she responds, picking my legs up and throwing them off of the couch so she can sit down. "What's up? Why are you trying to go to sleep at nine forty?"

"I talked to Zoey. Asked her if she was happy, and she said she was."
"And?" She asked, leaning closer to me.

"And I'm just gonna try and be happy for her, I guess." I said, propping my feet up onto the table.
"I'm sorry. I really am," she said, putting her hand on my back. "I know that he's an asshole, but if she's happy, what're you going to do? It sucks, yeah, but that's life."
"Yeah, I know." I said, putting my head in my hands, rubbing my eyes. "Fuckin' figures," I muttered under my breath, pulling my feet off of the table.

"I know that you really don't want to anymore, but you really should quit smoking. It'd make all of us happy. Hell, I'd be happy if you cut back." Ash said, patting my back before getting up and walking back to the Isaac's bedroom. I stretched back onto the couch, looking at all the posters that were plastered on the walls. I reached into my pockets to pull everything out of them and tossed them onto the table, and reached over to pick up my phone to check for any messages before going to sleep.

I woke up to the vacuum running, and sat up on the couch, and rubbed my eyes, trying to see who was cleaning. I got up and folded the blanket I'd been using up and threw it onto the couch and stumbled to the bathroom to take a shower. After getting out of the shower, I saw Jared sitting on the couch, the vacuum sitting in a corner.

"Morning," he said over the noise of the T.V.. "Sorry about the noise, but I needed to vacuum."
"It's cool," I said, sitting down on the couch. "I didn't know you had today off."

"Yeah, I forgot to mention it yesterday. It's nice to be able to just chill for a day." He said, picking up the controller and turning on our X-Box. "How you doing, dude?"
"Been better." I said, pulling a cigarette out of the pack. "Found out that Zoey's already dating some asshole."
"Harsh," he replied. "Do you know which asshole she's dating?" I picked up my lighter off of the table and got up to go outside to have my first smoke of the day.

"Paulie," I said, lighting the cigarette in the kitchen.
"Wait, Paulie Talbot?" I heard him ask from inside.

"Yeah," I replied, sitting down on the top step of the cement stairs. For a guy that's had multiple leg surgeries, Jared moves incredibly fast.

"She's dating Paulie fucking Talbot?!" He screamed at me, scaring me to death.

"From what I heard from Ash, yeah." I manage to finally say.

"Paulie 'I nearly made my ex-girlfriend kill themselves and five minutes later was in bed with another girl' Talbot?"

"Yup." I said, the bitterness surprising even me. I took a long drag off of the cigarette and looked at Jared, who was literally shaking with what I assumed was rage. "Ummm... You okay?" I asked.

"That is NOT okay," he said.

"Yeah, no shit." I replied, finishing the cigarette off and tossing the butt into an ashtray.

"How in the hell did that happen?" He asked after a moment silence. "How did that prick get someone like that?"
"What in the hell do you think I've been trying to figure out?" I asked, laughing.

"You need to do something!" He yelled.

"What do you want me to do about this?" I asked, getting up to get another cigarette. "I'm not going to talk to Paulie, last time I ever saw him I got hurt! It's a sign from God not to be near this prick." I said, walking back inside.

"And how do you think this is going to end for her?" He yelled back, running into the house. "The last time that person was in a long term relationship, you know how it ended!"

He was right. Paulie Talbot was the biggest asshole I had ever met. He was violent, crude, and thought he was God's greatest gift to man. If he ever said that he was in a relationship, it meant that he was only screwing one girl. The man didn't want relationships, he just wanted an unlimited amount of booty calls. He claimed he fell in love once, but three weeks into the relationship, he was already cheating on the girl, Lisa. But that wasn't enough for Paulie, he wanted to set a record. So in the time that he had 'fallen in love', he was cheating on Lisa, while at the same time screwing five other girls. This guy, in my opinion, was trash. Lisa, after discovering what he was doing, attempted to kill herself by an overdose. Thankfully, someone found her in time to help. I don't know how this asshole still had friends.

"Well, what the hell can I do?" I asked, sitting down on the couch.

"Do something really romantic to show that she deserves a nice guy!" Jared said back, getting excited.

"What, pull a Cusack?" I asked, laughing. Just to clear up, this laugh isn't a ha-ha laugh, it's a laugh of desperation and exacerbation.

"Ummm... Something like that, yeah!" He said back, starting to pace around.

"Look, Jared, I appreciate this, but I don't think there's anything I can do! You know me, I'm not that kind of guy," I said. "That and Paulie would fucking kill me. Last time I heard, he had just bought a machete for some goddamn reason!"
"Is this the kind of girl that you'd be willing to be killed with a machete for?" Jared asked, stopping and looking at me.
"Yes." I said immediately. Jared just leaned on the wall and grinned at me.

"You're willing to risk getting cut into tiny bits and pieces by that piece of human trash for her?"
"Yes." I said again, standing up, my mind made up. I grabbed my wallet and keys off of the table and sprinted out of the apartment.

Zoey lives in a gated community, a plus from her parent's lucrative jobs. Since it was three o'clock in the afternoon, everyone was either in school or at work, so no cars were coming in or out. So I did what anyone would do in this situation: I climbed the fence, and promptly proceeded in falling on my ass on the way down. Not letting my hurt bottom stop me, I got up and ran down the street towards her house. I saw her white Ford parked in the driveway, and after a few deep breathes and a small prep talk, I walked to her front door and knocked. She opened the door before I knocked again.

"Hey," she said, smiling. "This is a pleasant surprise." Knowing that I'd loss steam or chicken out if I said anything else first, I blurted it out without thinking.

"Zoey, I love you."

Lies

I sat on the porch, staring out into space, attempting to not believe what I just heard. I looked at the pack of cigarettes on the ground, considering the pros and cons of starting again.

"You're kidding, right? This is some cruel joke you're pulling on me?" I asked.

"What? Why the hell would I do that? The last time I heard was that she was dating Paulie," she said, stubbing the cigarette out on her her heel before getting up and heading back inside. When she opened the door, I heard laughter, and caught the end of an anecdote from Zoey, which confirmed it. I stood up, and closed the door gently, not wanting anyone to look towards the door. Paulie, who was worse then Kyle when it came to women, was dating Zoey, a Czech girl that I was in love with. I sat for silence in three minutes before my phone rang.

"What?" I answered, not even checking the caller id.

"Okay, why in the hell won't you go to the club with us?" Kyle yelled, slurring over his words.

"Okay, why in the hell are you drinking?" I shot back, choosing to take it all out on Kyle.

"Bitch, don't start preaching to me! It's a Saturday night, and I am entitled to enjoy it however I want!"

"Just because it's Saturday doesn't mean that you can get wasted and fuck!" I yelled into my phone loudly.

"The hell it doesn't! I worked all week, what did you do?" He yelled back, matching my anger. "You have a hard week of sitting on your ass?"

"Fuck you!" I screamed into my phone.

"Hey, I'm going to call back in five minutes, and you better have your shit together when I do." He said, waiting to hang up the phone so I could hear this in the background: 'I don't know, he's just being a whiny bitch about something, I'll call him back later.'

By the time that I had shoved my phone into my pocket, someone from the next apartment popped their head out of their window.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry," I muttered, looking down.

"It's cool dude. Everyone has bad days," he said, before disappearing back into his apartment. In order to seem productive, I grabbed the trash bag off of the porch and walked down the cement stairs and around the corner to the dumpster. I walked slowly back up the stairs, still calming down. By the time I got back up the stairs, Ash was sitting outside, smoking another cigarette. She held the pack out and I took one, shoving it into my mouth. I sat down on the top step, trying to avoid eye contact with her. We smoked the cigarettes in silence, and I didn't even notice when she walked back inside, leaving her pack next to me. I smoked the entire pack in about five minutes (Kyle had obviously decided not to call back) and ripped the pack up into tiny pieces. I stood up and walked back inside. Ash was the only sitting in the kitchen, washing the dishes. I sat down at the table.

"They went down the street to get dessert for everyone. They'll be back in five minutes." She said. "You okay? Christ, I didn't expect you to react like that."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, picking up a magazine off of the ground and tossing it back on the table.

"Of course you're fine, that's why you're screaming at your phone." She said, turning the sink off.

"That was directed at another asshole," I said, getting up to help her dry the dishes.

"You've only known her for how long? A few weeks?" She said, handing me towel and a plate.

"It's not that, I'm used to being that one friend. It's who's she's dating," I said. "Paulie is a terrible, terrible person."

"Who you hang out with."

"I've only ever been around him when necessary or when Kyle brings him around. I don't do it for fun." I corrected her.

"Okay, I'm not denying that he's an asshole. I'm just saying that maybe he's nice to her," she said.

"Bullshit!" I yelled, shoving the plate into the cupboard.

"Hey, I don't care if you're pissed, but don't take your anger out on the plates!" She yelled.

"Sorry," I muttered, throwing the towel down, walking to the living room. "I'm getting a pack of smokes."

"Giving up on quitting?"

"Don't see the point now."

I took the backstairs out of the apartment to avoid bumping into everyone, and was halfway to the gas station when my phone rang. I fished it out of my pocket and looked at the caller id.

"What?" I said bitterly into the phone.

"Dude, have you calmed down yet?" Kyle asked, still slurring his words.

"If I say no, are you going to insult me and hang up again?"

"Well, if you weren't being such an asshole--"
"How was I being an asshole?" I said, cutting him off.

"You were all yelling at me!" He yelled back.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I should be more considerate when talking to drunk, belligerent assholes. My bad." I said. "I'm not going to that stupid club, so don't call me again to ask." I hung up the phone and walked to the gas station and back to the apartment in silence, attempting to enjoy the breeze and my smoke. I walked up the backstairs and sat down on the top step. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and got ready to pull the battery out when a voice spoke up from behind me.

"I thought you were quitting," Zoey asked from behind me. I jumped a little, and the cigarette fell out of my mouth.

"Jesus Christ, you scared me!" I yelled, turning around to look at her.

"Oh, sorry," she said, smiling at me. I crushed the cigarette beneath my heel.

"Yeah, I'm still working on quitting," I said, suddenly feeling guilty.

"Well, if you need or want any help quitting, you can always ask me." She said.

"Umm... Yeah, of course," I said. After a minute of silence, I broke the silence. "Hey, are you happy right now?"
"Happy with what?" She asked, confused.

"Just happy with the way your life is." I clarified. She was quiet for a minute, thinking about the question. After a while, she answered.

"I think I am, yeah." She smiled at me, her eyes lighting up with the smile. I somehow managed to hide how much I wanted to scream and smiled back at her. "How about you?" She asked, leaning closer to me. "Are you happy with the way your life is, right now?" She was so close to me, that I could smell her perfume, and could feel her breathing close to my neck. I fought back the urge to blurt out I love you and just smiled.

"Yeah, I'm happy." I lied.

Fall

It took another three weeks for my back to feel like I could move without it going out again. By the time I was up and walking again, fall had started. My summer had ended terribly, and Kyle was already calling me again, trying to get me to go out. Most of his calls always happened when I was trying to sleep, so I wouldn't call him back, hoping that he would either realize that I wouldn't be up at nine in the morning, or he would realize that I was pissed off at him for the back injuries (which I was blaming him for). When I did ever pick up the phone when he called me, the conversations would be about him being bored, or someone that he was trying to hook with this girl and needed my help. The only good thing about my situation was that I met Zoey, a friend of Jared's roommate. She was everything I could want in someone, and she was from the Czech Republic, which added a layer of mystery to her that I fell in love with. She was always over at the apartment (she could cook amazing food, which was a plus in a group of young males that were used to eating Top Ramen or Rice-a-Roni for lunch and dinner), and the two of us became good friends. Since it was a small apartment, I would eat outside on the porch (Jared had an apartment on the second story, so I always had a nice view of suburbia when I ate and smoked) to save room at their dinner table for them. I would hear them talk about their day, and I would pop in occasionally to say something or get something to drink before disappearing outside to finish my dinner.

"Why do you always eat outside?" Zoey asked me one night. She spoke with a light accent, which we all loved.

"To make sure there's enough room at the table for the important people of the apartment," I replied, putting my plate down on the ground and pulling out a cigarette.

"And to smoke?" She asked, smiling.

"Yeah, and to smoke," I said, lighting the cigarette. "I do enjoy smoking," I said.

"How much do you smoke?"

"Depends. Bad day, three packs a day. Good day, two." I said. "It sounds really terrible when you say it like that," I said.

"Well, it's a terrible habit," she said, picking up my plate and glass.

"Yeah, it is." I agreed.

"I think you should quit," she said, walking back in the apartment to do the dishes. I looked at the cigarette in my fingers, took one last drag off of it and stubbed it out and headed back inside.

I was still trying to ignore Kyle calls due to fear of my back going out again, but after a while, I caved. He called while I was cleaning up the apartment while everyone was at work, so I decided to talk to him and take a break and relax.

"Dude, how the hell have you been?" He asked.

"Recovering. How've you been?"

"Pretty fuckin' good, dude. Me and Stacey hooked up."

"Ummm... Good for you?" I hated it when he told me things like that, I never knew how to respond.

"It was pretty good dude, I'm not gonna lie," he said, sounding too proud of himself.

"Well, have fun with her?" I ventured.

"Oh, I will. We're going to this club tomorrow night, you should come!"
"No," I said firmly. "I don't do clubs or things like that."
"What? Why not?" He asked.

"I don't like crowds, I hate music they play at those shitty clubs, and if you're taking her to the one I'm thinking of, the people are fucking weird!"

"C'mon, please? I need a wingman! I could help hook you up with someone!"

"Find a different wingman!" I yelled back.

"Dude, I'm driving right now, but I'm gonna call back later and talk about this," he said.

I hung up the phone and tossed it onto the couch. The club in question was one that was a half hour drive into a different city. It was popular with the people in my age group due to the fact that you only had to be eighteen to get in. In a brilliant marketing move, the owners of the club would throw a night to celebrate goth\emo culture. What that meant was that they would play even shittier music, while people got to wear strange outfits. To some people, it was awesome, and that was okay. I, however, was not one of those people. Kyle wasn't either, but the man was dedicated to hooking up with as many women as possible, and if that meant doing something he didn't like, he would do it. In a force of habit, I looked for a pack of cigarettes, then realized that I was quitting. So I just turned on the T.V. and played a game to take my mind off of the fact that I was going to have to deal with a constant stream of pleading for me to go.

Jared got off of work first, and got home around four in the afternoon. I nodded at him, trying to focus on the game I was playing. He disappeared into his bedroom and changed, then popped back into the living room and sprawled out onto the other couch.

"Thanks for cleaning, dude." He said, pulling his laptop onto his chest and turning it on.

"Yup," I said, before going into a string of profanities as I got shot to death in my game.

"You do anything else today aside from clean?"
"I walked down to the store and bought some more food. I got stuff that Zoey can cook with, and got stuff we can just throw in the oven and stuff. There's also a milkshake in the fridge for you, and I got some more potatoes." I said, throwing the controller down, deciding not to play the game anymore.

"Sweet," he said. "Trade you." I reached over and handed him the controller and he gave me the laptop.

"What's the plan for tonight?" I asked.

"Uhhh... Zoey called, she's coming over in a bit, she's gonna cook, then Isaac is getting off of work early, and Ash is probably going to swing by for dinner too."

"Okay," I said.

"What do you think of Zoey?" Jared asked, after a minute of silence.

"She's nice. I like her," I said. "Like, I really like her."

"Go for it, dude. You two seem made for each other," he said before screaming at the game.

I shrugged and put the laptop down, and pulled my phone out of the couch. I looked at the messages and saw that I already had three from Kyle, all asking me if I had reconsidered the club offer. I deleted them, shoved the phone into my pocket, and got up to change. I threw my clothes in the large garbage bag that we used to take the clothes to the laundromat, and looked out to Jared.

"You want me to do laundry tomorrow?" I asked. "I only got three bucks on me right now."
"Yeah, if you could that'd be nice. I'll throw in a few bucks, and so will Isaac. Thanks, dude."
"Yup," I said, planting myself back onto the couch. "What time is Zoey coming over?"
"Soon, she just texted to say she was on her way."

Five minutes later, we heard footsteps come up the stairs and a knock on the door. I walked over to the door and opened it. She walked in, heading straight for the kitchen, and I closed and locked the door. We sat and talked, and soon Isaac and Ash were over. We ate, and while Zoey made dessert, I sat outside with Ash while she smoked.

"You want one?" She asked, holding the pack up to me.

"I quit," I said, stretching out on the patio furniture.

"Well, good for you," she said, sitting down. "Any reason why?"
"Zoey said I should, so I did."
"Cute," she said. "You know, you too would make a great couple."
"That's what Jared was saying," I said, looking at my phone.

"Too bad she's already in a relationship," she said, taking a long drag off of the cigarette.

"What? With who?" I asked.

"Ummm... Last time I heard, Paulie. Friend of Kyle." She said.

If the person you think is the love of your life isn't dating the biggest asshole in the world, you wouldn't understand.

Busking

The rain pours softly onto the roof. The leak that's five feet away from my head helps lull me to sleep, the constant drip-drip-drip mixed with the sound of the wind. The sounds of the city gets quieter as the bars and the want to be pubs close down and the drunks begin their seemingly long quest home to their beds. I try and get comfortable, but my feet stick out from under the too small blanket. I give up trying to fight it and curl into a small ball on
the old couch. I hear the argument from upstairs and try to ignore it and get to sleep, focus on the drip of the leak hitting the table. I finally give up and walk to the bathroom and open the medicine cabinet and take out the bottle of over-the-counter sleep aides and put two into my mouth and drink a glass of water. I walk back to my couch and look at the room. two couches,
a silver TV, two tables, one littered with beer bottles and old fast food bags, the second only with my pair of keys and wallet and the ever growing puddle, and the beat old up guitar case that leans near the door next to my jacket. I sit on the couch, curl into a ball and pull the too short blanket over myself. The argument grows louder for three seconds, then it stops. I
know that the only reason is that they don't want me thinking that anything is wrong, that everything is fine. I roll onto my side and look at the back of the couch, and go to sleep.

I wake up to being shaken. I look up into a pair of dull blue eyes. She's saying something, but she's talking so fast I can't understand her. She walks into the bathroom and I hear the shower start. I take this time to clean up the room. I’m on the third trip of throwing beer bottles and cans out when she's done in the shower.
"What're your plans for today?"
I tell her that I’m going downtown to play.
"Are you going to even look for a job?"
I ignore her as I get into the shower. The cold water hits my face. I take a quick shower and walk out of the bathroom. She's gone, off to work or school. I get dressed and put my shoes on. I pick up my guitar case and a bottle of water and lock the door.

I get downtown and stand at my usual spot. I open the case and make sure that the guitar isn't out of tune from drunken people playing with it. I start playing. Some people ignore me, some throw insults at me, some stand and listen, some throw
pennies and nickels into the case. One person though, watches me while I play all my songs. I open my bottle of water and take a drink when she talks to me.
"I like your music."
I tell her thank you.
"I’m not really in touch with the music scene," she says with a laugh. "were those all covers or did you write them?"
I tell her that I play my own music first then play three covers. We make small talk for three minutes. most of that is about me. I ask about her. I ask her what she does.
"Well, actually, I'm a painter."
I say something dumb in an attempt to be charming and we both laugh at me.
"Well, the gallery down the street is displaying one of my pieces, if you'd like to see it."
I tell her that I’d love to, and I pull out the loose change out of my case and put the guitar away.

During the walk we keep talking. I learn her name, I learn what she wants to do with her life, and I learn that she went to the school I went to. We make some more small talk as we walk into the small gallery. She points her painting out to me. I tell her that I like it.
"Really? I don't think that it's my best."
We make some more small talk. We talk about art and music as we walk back to the place where I was playing before.
"So I have to ask this, did we go to school together?"
I tell her that we had two classes together.
"Yeah, you looked familiar," she says laughing. "I have to go a class in a few minutes---"
She keeps talking but I don't listen to the words, I just look at her, take her features in. She hands me a piece of paper with a number scribbled on it.
"Call me?"
I smile and tell her that I will. As she starts to walk away, I start playing again. She looks back at me and smiles.

I walk back home, change jingling in my coat pocket, the paper with her number in my wallet. I unlock the door and walk into a full house. The three people sitting on the couch I'm using as a bed look up at me, too absorbed in their drinks to acknowledge me. The only person that does is the one walking out of the bathroom.
"How are you doing?"
I tell him good.
"Make any money out there?"
I shake my pocket.
"Good, we might need some of it."
I don't bother telling them that I need the money for myself. I walk upstairs, looking for a safe place to put my guitar even though I know that they'll come up and play with it. I turn and see that the dull blue eyes are looking at me. I walk back downstairs to a heated argument about something. I don't pay it any attention as I refill the bottle of water and put into the fridge for tomorrow. I walk out of the kitchen with a can of store brand soda and decide if I want to sit with the large group of people or run upstairs. when I walk out, I hear one of them shout my name.
"Why don't you play us a song?"
I tell him that I'm tired.
"So? Play us a song!"
I walk upstairs and get my guitar and walk downstairs. I play a cover of a bad song that they request before they get too distracted with the TV. I walk back upstairs and put my guitar away. I decide to sleep on the floor upstairs. I try to get comfortable as drunks be loud and belligerent.

I wake up before anyone else the next morning, so I get my stuff and walk downstairs. I put my guitar up near the door and start to clean all the beer cans and bottles, and put the bottles of the other liquor in the cabinets. I finish that and clean up the rest of the apartment and take a semi-long shower. I finish that and sit down, looking at the phone. I pull my wallet out
and look at the seven digit number. I play with the paper for a bit when I hear a voice come from the stairway.
"You going to call?"
I look up and see the dull blue eyes looking at me, looking more dull from the night of drinking. I ask her what she's talking about.
"Are you going to call the person who's phone number is on that piece of paper?"
I ask her how she knows what's on the paper.
"Well, you're eyeing the phone, and you just have that look."
I laugh as she walks past me and tosses the phone onto my lap and walks into the bathroom. I look at the number. What could go wrong? I dial the numbers and wait for her to pick up.
"Hello?"
I tell her who it is.
"Oh, hi! What's up?"
We make some more small talk for a few minutes before I ask her if she wants to go out for coffee or something.
"I have class till noon. How about lunch?"
I tell her that's fine and we make plans to go out to lunch. I get dressed and grab the bottle of water and pick up my guitar and my money and leave.

I play until noon, and then walk to the small diner where we planned to eat. I get a table and wait. She comes in five minutes later.
"Hey!"
I say hey back. We talk about her class, and we talk more about paintings.
"Are you going to school?"
I tell her that I didn't have enough money.
"Your parents didn't offer to help?"
I tell her that me and my parents don't really speak to each other. I tell her that the nicest thing they've done for me was buying me my guitar.
"What about scholarships?"
We talk about me not going to school for a few minutes.
"This is going to seem random, but did you go to the senior prom for our school?"
I tell her that I didn't in order to play a concert.
"You skipped out of your prom to play a concert? That's actually pretty cool," she says to me with a smile on her face.
I ask her why she asked.
"No reason, i was just curious."
I smile at her, and she smiles back.
"Have you played any other concert or anything?"
I tell her that I played a few before I left my home.
"You left home? Where are you staying?"
I tell her that I'm crashing at a friend's apartment.
"That was nice of him. So what are your plans? Keep being a street musician?"
I tell her what I want. She smiles at me.
"I think that everyone wants that in life."
I say something dumb, and we both laugh.
"This is really nice."
I tell her it is. We talk about high school and change.
We stay at the diner until she gets a call from someone. When she hangs up, she looks at me.
"That was my friend, I totally forgot that I made plans with her for tonight."
I ask her what they plan on doing.
"Well, I think she wanted to go out to dinner at that new cafe down the street," she says with a laugh. "but I think that i'm full from this. Do you have any plans?"
I tell her that I don't.
"Well... what're you doing later this weekend?"
I tell her nothing.
"Would you like to maybe hang out some more?"
I smile as I tell her I would. She gets up to leave and as she's walking out, she looks back at me and gives me a warm smile.

I walk back home. No one is drinking. It's just the two of them, sitting together on one of the couches, watching a movie.
"How was your day?"
I tell them that it was fantastic.
"Yeah?"
I tell them that I'm going on a date on the weekend, and they smile at each other.
"Looks like things are finally going your way, eh?"
I smile and say yeah. The rest of the night is spent with us talking. They go to sleep and I curl into a ball onto the couch and fall asleep, her smile in my dreams.