There's a Trick to it, You Do it or You Die

I hit the ground hard, my eye hurting. I start pushing myself off of the ground, but Paulie grabs me by the hair and lifts my head up and brings his fist into my cheek. I feel hair get ripped out as I hit the ground again, and Paulie says something, but I can't hear him. I roll onto my back, and look up at him. He gets ready to kick me, but I manage to roll out of the way and stand up. I manage to block the next couple of punches that he throws at me, but he gets a good hit in, his right hook connecting with my nose.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" He yells, getting ready to hit me again. I duck down, and he punches the wall hard, and yells in pain. I punch him in the stomach and he doubles over, and I stumble down the hall. I see Zoey walk out of the back bedroom.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She asks, walking towards me. I'm about to answer her when Paulie grabs me by the collar of my shirt, pulling me down hard onto my back. "What the fuck are you doing?!" She screams at Paulie. "Get the hell away from him!"

"You break up with me, then the next day you've already hooked up with someone else? You fucking bitch!" He screams, moving towards her. I manage to pull myself off the ground and position myself between Zoey and Paulie. "Get the fuck out of my way!" He screams. He starts walking again, and I manage to shove him backwards, my entire body hurting after I do it. He runs at me, and puts his entire body weight into tackling me. I scream in pain when I hit the ground, my back not being able to support his body weight on top of me. I hear Zoey yell, but that's about it. I black out.

When I wake up, I'm in the back of Zoey's car, lying in the backseat. I try to get up, but I quickly give up. We pull up to a red light, and Zoey looks back at me.

"Are you okay?" She asks, her voice shaking.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I lie, trying to pull myself up again. She puts her hand on my chest lightly, and pushes me down slowly.

"Don't get up," she says. "Wait till we're at Jared's before you even try to get up."

"What happened?" I ask, looking down at my shirt. The collar is ripped, and a few bloodstains are on it.

"The guy from the apartment next door happened," she says, stepping on the gas. The car lurches forward and I moan in pain a little. "Are you sure you're okay? We can go to the hospital or something, I don't mind."

"No, I'm fine," I lie again. "Let's just get to Jared's. What do you mean the 'guy from next door happened'?"

"Well, he was outside smoking, and Paulie left the door to his patio open, so he could hear all the screaming. Thank God Paulie doesn't lock his door, like thirty seconds after you blacked out the guy was in the apartment, pulling Paulie off of you."

"I'll have to send him a pack of smokes as a thank you," I mutter under my breath.

"I gave him the pack that was in your pocket," she says laughing a little. I try to laugh, but it hurts too much so I stop. The last five minutes of the drive happen in silence, and I eventually pass out again.

I wake up on Jared's couch, my eye freezing cold and hurting. I move the Ziploc bag of ice off of my eye and look around the apartment. I hear Zoey and Ash outside talking, and see Jared on the other couch, playing with his laptop.

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask, pulling myself up, despite the back pain.

"Only an hour or two." He says, closing his laptop. "You okay?" He asks.

"My back just hurts like a bitch," I say. "It'll get better."

"How'd it go with Zoey?" He asks. I smile like an idiot, despite the pain. He smiles back, and heads into the kitchen.

Things I've Been Meaning to Say to People, but Haven't

SO. This is a rant. This is me, bitching and moaning, for a while.

SO.

This is your last chance to not read this. Go on, I won't mind. I'm not ranting for your fucking sake, am I? No, I'm ranting for my sake. Because I don't think I can keep these things on my chest. I'm dying. Or at any rate, I feel like I'm dying a little, day by fucking day, just holding these feelings in. I'm not going to name names (mainly cause no one reading this will be the people I'm talking about, I figure), because they know what they've done. If they read this, they'll get it.

1) I've got problems. I'm the first one to admit that. I'm nervous about 95% of the time for reasons I can't explain. I get incredibly pissed off at the slightest incident. When I run into a problem, what is a tiny, microscopic problem that should only stop me for a minute, turns into a giant wall. And I'm afraid to climb that wall. So I don't. I have OCD that's turned into hoarding (I've kept every lighter that has ever ran out on me in a cabinet, I have old magazines from when I was 14). I'm afraid of rejection to a degree that I am afraid to even go out and meet people because I figure, what's the fucking point? not like they're gonna like me anyway. I've got the gayest sounding problem of all time, something called love shyness, which is stemming from all the fun social anxiety. Then I've got the whole depression thing, but who the fuck doesn't have that now? I'm paranoid as hell, I've got no self esteem, but somehow have managed to get a God complex. And I am trying to get a handle on everything. I'm trying my fucking hardest to get all my problems under control, so don't act like you're better then me cause you have two less problems then I do.

2) You know how much fucking trouble I got in for you? Every fucking day, for three fucking months, my family hated me. Because of you. And you don't seem to give two shits. For those three months, I lived through hell, all for you. Because you were one of my best fucking friends. And what did you do to repay me for what I suffered? You fuck the person you know I like. And you know, I don't care how fucking childish that sounds, but you stabbed me in the back and didn't even have to balls to tell me. I had to figure it out. Then, right when I put everything together, and only then, did you nut up and tell me. Don't try and turn this into a "ha I know you were bitter!" type of deal. I'm over the whole situation. I'm over everything but the fact that you didn't seem to care how I felt. I was hurt. I tried to do everything I could to get over it, because you know what? Even through all the shit you pulled on me, I JUST WANTED YOU TO BE HAPPY. And you both didn't seem to care. Every time I saw you together, I wanted to scream. But I didn't. For you. Never, ever say that I haven't given anything up for you. You know my family has now just gotten on good terms with me? It's taken me this long to get back to the way things were. But you know, this is the really sad part. I would fucking do it for you again.

3) I've missed you so much. I'm sorry for everything. It was my fault, I accept that. Jesus, the chance I have with someone who I've had feelings for the longest time, and I fuck it all up. You were the one shinning light in my year. This year has been one of the worst and hardest years of my life so far. But anytime I saw you, I felt happy. I was the happiest I've been in a very long time, and it was all because of you. But I fucked it all up. I screwed up. And I'm so sorry. I just... Lost my nerve. I got scared. And I let that fear ruin everything. Every day since you've left, at some point, I thought about you. I wanted to call you. I still do. But I can't. And I don't even know why I can't. I would give anything to stop myself from ruining it. I would do anything to be with you again. I'm afraid that you hate me (and you'd have every reason to). But you know what I'm really afraid of? I'm afraid that these feelings won't go away, and anytime I see you, I'm going to want to hold you. I'm going to want to kiss you. And I'm afraid that you're not going to want to deal with that.

There. Done.

I'm sorry if you read this and get offended. I really am. But I needed to get that all off of my chest.

For Every Action, There is an Equal and Opposite Reaction

"What?" Zoey says to me after a minute or two of awkward silence, grinning a little.

"Ummm," I start as I stumble over the words, all the piss and vinegar gone.

"You love me?" She says, her grin getting a little bigger as she starts to walk towards me slowly.

"Yes," I say under my breath quietly.

"One more time? I couldn't hear you," Zoey says, stopping in front of me.

"Yes." I say with an amount of confidence that shocks me. Where in the hell did that come from? I wonder to myself for a second before she takes my hand. My heart pounding like a drum, I kiss her. Fuck Paulie and his machete.

We go back inside, both of us smiling like idiots.

"I really don't want to ask, but I have to... What's up with you and Paulie?" I ask, standing behind her, my arms wrapped around her waist.

"So I called him last night to see if he wanted to see a movie later, and guess who picked up." She says, her words dripping with acid. "So I told her to tell him that I'd be by later to pick up anything I may have left at his place, then told her to tell him that he can suck my dick."

"Hot," I say, trying to add some humor to the situation. She laughs a little, and I turn her around. I put my hand under her chin and lift her face up a little and wipe away the tear that was running down her cheek and smile.

"I feel stupid, crying over the asshole." She says, laughing a little.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask before she pulls me onto the carpeted ground with her.

We spend the rest of the day with each other. Around eight thirty, she calls Jared and asks if he wants to hang out for a bit.

"Hey Jared, what's up?" She asks, trying not to giggle or laugh while I kiss her neck. "Oh, I'm not doing anything right now, just hanging out with a friend." I mouth just a friend? to her with a smile. She smiles back at me and pushes me back, laughing as she does. "Yeah, we were just wondering if you wanted to hang out for a bit. Okay, we'll be there in a bit," she says, hanging up the phone. "He said if we gave him half an hour to finish something up, we can go on over."

"What'd you want to do till then?" I ask, sitting up. She pulls me over to her and puts my head onto her lap so I'm looking up at her.

"Maybe chill here for a bit longer, then I guess I should go over to Paulie's and get whatever I may have left there." I shudder involuntary at the prospect of going over to Paulie's apartment (even though I think a good argument can be made that he sleeps in a coffin in a crypt), and she runs her hand through my hair. "It'll be okay. You can wait in the car, if you wanted to." For some reason, all I can think of is Paulie running at her with machete.

"I'll go up with you," I say. Yeah, better I get hacked into pieces with a machete then you... I think to myself before I close my eyes and enjoy the feeling of her hands running through my hair.

"C'mon, time to go." Zoey says to me, shaking me a little, smiling. I blink, trying blink away the bright light. She picks my head up from her lap, and I sit up and yawn.

"I fell asleep?"

"You've been passed out for like... Fifteen minutes. It was cute," she says, taking my hand and pulling me off the couch.

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, but I'm going to spin 'cute' as positive," I say as we get into her Ford. We drive over to Paulie's apartment, talking all the way. We park outside, and I suddenly get the chills (another sign from God to never see the prick). I look at Zoey and smile. "Ready?" I ask. She takes a breath, and looks at me.

"You sure you want to go up with me?" She asks. I nod, and we kiss one more time before going up. She knocks on the door, and Paulie opens the door, a towel wrapped around his waist.
"Zoey?"
"What's up, asshole?" She asks. "I'm here to pick up anything I may have left over here."

"Look, can we talk about last night?"
"No."

"That was my sister!"
"You've already told me that you didn't have any siblings. Jesus Christ, if you're going to lie to me, at least do it well." We all stand there for a minute. "If you're not going to let me in, then you can keep anything I left." He looks at me for a minute and sighs.

"Alright, fine. Let me go put clothes on."

We walk into the small, cluttered apartment. I squeeze her hand one more time, and she lets go, not wanting to piss Paulie off. He comes back out, wearing some ratty-ass T-shirt and ripped jeans.

"Anything you may have left would probably be in my room," Paulie says, wiping his hair with the towel. Zoey walks down the hall into his room, leaving the two of us alone.

"What's up?" I venture. He looks at me, and I instantly regret asking.

"Oh, not much, my girlfriend just dumped me." He says. I decide not to say anything else and just wait for Zoey to finish looking for anything that was hers. "When did you and Zoey start hanging out?" He asks suddenly.

"Jared and Ash. I'm crashing at their apartment for a while," I say. He looks at me like a butcher looks at a piece of meat.

"Get kicked out or something?" He asks.

"I'd rather not get into that," I say, looking at the clock on the wall, anxious to get out of here. I feel Paulie's eyes on me still, and I get even more anxious.

"What happened to your neck?" He asks, putting the towel on the couch he's leaning on.

"No idea," I lie. As soon as the words leave my mouth, Paulie hits me in right eye, and I go down.